MVNU

as i look back at the time i had while i was at mt. vernon nazarene university.. I made a lot of close friendships that i hope i don't lose...


ever since i told everybody that i decided to leave.. everybody asked why...

and.. as all of you know..... or at least should.. because i gave a crap answer.. that wasn't exactly the reason i decided to leave...

i'm not sure if it was the right thing to do.. i mean, there is about a 1000 different ways to grow closer to God at the Naz... and maybe i just didn't want to reach out..

I'm a very private person when it comes to my problems.. never really want to let it all out... i tend to hold it in and be as strong as i can until i just break.. i see problems as signs of weakness and i feel people will jump on and hound me about...

as most of you know, i went to the naz in a relationship... haha, a big mistake... especially as things developed between us... and i praise God for that not going anywhere now.. He is good. :)

The relationship was probably the start of the downfall for the Naz.. it was very unhealthy.. full of little fights and disagreements, among other things... and i question both of our faith.. I mean, i know my relationship with God wasn't the greatest of relationships and i thought that going to mt. vernon everything would change... and it did... but, it got worse..

I lost focus of what was important; God. My selection of words went from eeeehhh to terrible.. and i went from this guy who.. ya know.. i thought was a pretty good guy... to this guy i wouldn't even recognize.. i was miserable.. and i wanted nothing to do with God.. i felt abandoned.. hated... and felt anger towards God.. although i knew he was there holding me together.. i left for the naz thinking i would be the person that you'd look at and see christ when you look at me.. and hoping that people would want to come up to me and talk.. or something? idk..

i stopped going to church, started hating chapel.. and building a wall up between myself and God... I started to realize that going my own way and doing things on my own was what was going to happen.. i wanted it... i'd go just for my chapel credits and do my own thing...

That's when it all hit me.....

"wow, what the heck are you doing brandon???"
and thats when i decided that the Naz just wasnt where i was going to call home for the next 3.5 more years..

I didn't leave because of a failed relationship or financial reasons.. of course, saving this much money on school will be pretty awesome! lol... I left because because i started to build up a hatred for God.. and thats when i knew thats not where i need to be for my relationship with Him to repair and grow.. God can heal any wounds.... and forgive any sins.

so now i'm back at home...jobless..

but starting to get everything straightened up...
and i've started to talk to this great girl...haha, nothing will come from it..
but.. she truly lives her life for God...and she's GORGEOUS! haha..

but neither of us are ready for a relationship.. idk. if we're meant to be.. God will make it happen.

(if that doesn't make any sense.. haha, i'm sorry... it's 4:30 and i've been ready for bed since about 11.. lol)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

--Matthew 11:28-30