Came to My Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship

Giving all I am to seek your face

Lord all I am is yours

My whole life

I place in your hands

God of Mercy

Humbled I bow down

In your presence at your throne

I called you answered

And you came to my rescue and I

I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high

In our world be lifted high

In our love be lifted high

Alcohol

So.. I've been a little afriad of me falling and drinking when I get on Wright State's campus.. I mean, i hate alcohol.. and it's against my beliefs to drink... but when looking at everybody's photos on their facebook.. beer and other sorts of alcohol is everywhere, i've just been a little afraid i'll buckle to peer pressure.. not that i do a lot.. especially when it comes to things against my beliefs... well, after tonight, my fear is gone.. I've always had a fear of drinking and becoming an alcoholic... seeing it everywhere on my dads side of my family.. it's been a while since i've seen anyone drunk.. and it's my hatred for alcohol has been revitalized... i was over at my dad's tonight... and after rockin' out to some guitar hero.. my dad comes up trashed.. and i go downstairs.. and jackie's on the couch crying with a black eye... haha, jk.. but, she was on the couch crying.. it's pathetic to what alcohol does to people.. and what it can do to families..

I've completely cut off all contact with my uncle.. as sad as it is... i mean, if he has any money at all.. he's trashed.. he wakes up every morning just to drink and waste his life.. and i just don't know what to say to him.. and it's hard to find him sober... and jackie says my dad's starting to get worse.. and is afraid my dad will become just like david... i just dont know what to do.. i mean, it's not my fault they like to drink.... a lot. but.. idk.. i just wish i could say something to help both of them realize their problem.. and get them to try and seek help.. or something.. idk... :-\

MVNU

as i look back at the time i had while i was at mt. vernon nazarene university.. I made a lot of close friendships that i hope i don't lose...


ever since i told everybody that i decided to leave.. everybody asked why...

and.. as all of you know..... or at least should.. because i gave a crap answer.. that wasn't exactly the reason i decided to leave...

i'm not sure if it was the right thing to do.. i mean, there is about a 1000 different ways to grow closer to God at the Naz... and maybe i just didn't want to reach out..

I'm a very private person when it comes to my problems.. never really want to let it all out... i tend to hold it in and be as strong as i can until i just break.. i see problems as signs of weakness and i feel people will jump on and hound me about...

as most of you know, i went to the naz in a relationship... haha, a big mistake... especially as things developed between us... and i praise God for that not going anywhere now.. He is good. :)

The relationship was probably the start of the downfall for the Naz.. it was very unhealthy.. full of little fights and disagreements, among other things... and i question both of our faith.. I mean, i know my relationship with God wasn't the greatest of relationships and i thought that going to mt. vernon everything would change... and it did... but, it got worse..

I lost focus of what was important; God. My selection of words went from eeeehhh to terrible.. and i went from this guy who.. ya know.. i thought was a pretty good guy... to this guy i wouldn't even recognize.. i was miserable.. and i wanted nothing to do with God.. i felt abandoned.. hated... and felt anger towards God.. although i knew he was there holding me together.. i left for the naz thinking i would be the person that you'd look at and see christ when you look at me.. and hoping that people would want to come up to me and talk.. or something? idk..

i stopped going to church, started hating chapel.. and building a wall up between myself and God... I started to realize that going my own way and doing things on my own was what was going to happen.. i wanted it... i'd go just for my chapel credits and do my own thing...

That's when it all hit me.....

"wow, what the heck are you doing brandon???"
and thats when i decided that the Naz just wasnt where i was going to call home for the next 3.5 more years..

I didn't leave because of a failed relationship or financial reasons.. of course, saving this much money on school will be pretty awesome! lol... I left because because i started to build up a hatred for God.. and thats when i knew thats not where i need to be for my relationship with Him to repair and grow.. God can heal any wounds.... and forgive any sins.

so now i'm back at home...jobless..

but starting to get everything straightened up...
and i've started to talk to this great girl...haha, nothing will come from it..
but.. she truly lives her life for God...and she's GORGEOUS! haha..

but neither of us are ready for a relationship.. idk. if we're meant to be.. God will make it happen.

(if that doesn't make any sense.. haha, i'm sorry... it's 4:30 and i've been ready for bed since about 11.. lol)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

--Matthew 11:28-30

i was a little bored this afternoon and i thought you would enjoy watching this wonderful video i made.

i think that this entry will make heath proud!! haha

not only is this longer than most of my posts.. it also has entertainment. :)

Freedom

...is a great thing.

Thief

I am a thief, I am a murderer

Walking up this lonely hill

What have I done? I don't remember

No one knows just how I feel

and I know that my time is coming soon.

It's been so long. Oh, such a long time

Since I've lived with peace and rest

Now I am here, my destination

guess things work for the best

and I know that my time is coming soon

Who is this man? This man beside me

They call the King of the Jews

They don't believe that He's the Messiah

But, somehow I know it's true.

And they laugh at Him in mockery,

and beat Him till he bleeds

They nail Him to the rugged cross,

and raise Him, they raise Him up next to me

My time has come, I'm slowly fading

I deserve what I receive

Jesus when You are in Your kingdom

Could You please remember me

and He looks at me still holding on

the tears fall from His eyes

He says I tell the truth

Today, you will live with Me in paradise

and I know that my time is coming soon

and I know paradise is coming soon.

It is my....

.... BIRTHDAY!!!! wahooo! :o)

ya know....

I don't think i would mind a McCain/Huckabee presidential campaign...... i figure...

McCains likely to croak before his first term is over... so..... Huckabee would be president... and if he dies during the first year or so... haha, he could be in office for like... 11 yrs.

just throwin that out.

oh gosh, i don't even care anymore.. hahahahaha :o)

everything's a joke anymore..

so, i went and had my 'interview' whatever you wanna call it yesterday.. i think it went pretty good.. hopefully everything works out! that'd be awesome..

i have another interview on friday, my birthday (the 8th.. you guys better not forget to wish me a happy birthday!).... at dicks sporting goods.. hopefully i get that.. i need an income asap.. because the other job probably wouldn't start until maybe march or april..

a call from best buy would be nice...


oh well, the job search continues..

i'm in a weird happy mood right now.. idk why. :0)