Romans 1:28-32

"²⁸Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. ²⁹They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; ³¹they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. ³²Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."

This is kinda how i feel about my life sometimes. I mean, I love jesus.. but when i look at myself. I dont think i can see him anywhere. it's pathetic.

I haven't written on this thing in forever, i know. I'm sorry for that Heath. :o)

Life has been restless lately.. I haven't had a good nights rest since before school let out.. I feel as if i'm just wasting my time right now.. I'm just busting my butt for what? i feel like i have nothing saved for school; everytime i get a pay check, i have to pay bills with it. everytime i have money, i feel a new bill creates itself. I'm working 40 hours a week in 4 days.. which is nothing, but i'm also taking a class on my days off.. and sitting in class for 2.5 hrs twice a week is worse than working a 12 hr shift. i'm just ready for summer to be over. so ready. i'm just really burnt out on life right now. July was a bad month for me.

sorry, i was in the middle of writing and just walked away... i might update again soon.... i dont feel like finishing my post right now...

:)

I am a blogger extraordinaire!

'nuff said.

For Heath

I'm sorry i haven't updated in forever... i actually have been really busy. you should know this with how frequently we talk on yahoo.. haha

okay, now it's story time.


This one day, not to mention any names...coughheathcountrymanhackcoughsomemore.. suggested to me that the Bengals would finish the season somewhere around 3-13.. then a few weeks later.. a week or two before the season started.. suggested to me that they'd finish at least 12-4... as of right now... i think the 3-13 was a hopeful exaggeration. haha

The End

9-11

3 weeks....

So, I have 3 weeks and a few days until I go back to mt. vernon... found out last week that i didn't have all the stuff they need after.. oh.. idk.. about 2 weeks worth of emailing this one lady she finally says she can't put together a financial aid package because they didnt have everything... why this genius lady didn't tell me this a little earlier.. oh yeah... idk... that just really frustrated me.


hopefully i'll know how much i'll owe within the next few days.. then i'll have a week to get everything i need together! yeah!.....


i'll be more excited when i find out how much i have to pay and when i get confirmed.

20 lbs in 3 months!

so, since i've stopped working out.. i've gained a bunch of weight.. and about a week ago.. my friend and i made a bet.. that i will lose 20 lbs in 3 months.. and keep it off for another 3... for i think 25 bucks? haha, and.. if you know me well, i'll pretty much do anything for a little extra cash! it'll give me a little extra motivation to get a dead sexy bod! haha


i know i haven't actually posted an entry in forever.. i have a few saved, but haven't posted in awhile..

I've decided to go back to mt. vernon! I sent in my deposits on friday! I think things will be different this time around. I really do. I lacked motivation there and devoted almost all my time with work and my ex. ugh. haha i guess we learn from our mistakes.


like i was saying about i'll do anything for money... someone from pizzahut is trying to steal me from dominos!! and it's sooo tempting... i'd make soo much more at pizza hut.. but I LOVE the people at dominos.. i wish i could just do both 3 different nights a week until i find something that'll pay me more and somewhere that i'll be able to save my car...


i dont know what i want to do.... ahh!

so....

I failed miserably at that last mission...

this new one is going to be simple.. haha

Go to church on sunday! :)

I'm on a mission.

so, recently i've let god slip away from my life... i've been so consumed by so many different things.. and have pushed God into the back seat.. then into my trunk.. and it's been like i'm running out of room in my trunk.. so, I've decided that i'm taking a break from Facebook and AIM(Aol Instant Messenger for someone who might not know what that means.. coughHeath).. which doesn't include yahoo... so, you can still talk to me heath! haha... anyways.. so, i'm going to take some time off to straighten things up and spend some more time with God.

so, for the people on AIM who do read my blog... that's why i'm not on....

i feel like i've been played.

eehhh.

so, lately.... pretty much everything has gone wrong.

everything.

but.. in light of my whole world crashing in on me... and falling apart..
the past few days. everything keeps falling apart.. but, i keep getting more and more happier..

i dont know what it is.. but something's starting to make me happy! :)

i love work. lol
maybe that's it!


so, i still dont know what i want to do with the school thing.. but... the more thought i put into it.. the more i think i want to go back to the naz.... even with things the way they were when i left..

we'll see.

update.

My life has been kinda hectic lately. I dont really know whats going on.. and i'm starting to become frustrated with everything. I know i haven't really updated this thing in about a month of so.. i'm sorry, i just haven't had anything to write about... and when i do.. i end up just deleting it.

but yeah... I'm thinking about going back to mt. vernon.. I'm not sure that i will though.. i mean, one minute.. i feel like God is telling me i should go back... and then the next second i have a fear that i'll go and end up regreting it... and feel like i did towards the end of my time there... i just dont know what i want to do.. i feel like i'll be miserable either way i go.. but at least if i stay here i'll have money and be miserable. instead of broke. lol.....

i just dont know anymore.. i feel like all i really have is work.. i know it's stupid.. but it's the truth.. and i've been doing it a lot lately.. my last day off.... i was in mt. vernon. i had 2 days off last week.. tuesday and wednesday.. and that was my last day off... and my next day off wont be until at least monday of next week.. whenever Boss Lady makes the schedule.. so, between last last thursday-this sunday... 10 days of work.. 5 closes.. i'm exhausted...

and sad.. :-\



it shouldn't be too long before my next post...

prayers on what i should do with school and for me in general would be greatly appreciated.. thanks

Me Me Me Me Meeeeeee!!!

(had to get my singing voice ready..)

Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday to you!!! Happy Birthday dear Luann!!!! :) Happy Birthday to you!!

The Gathering

http://www.discoverthegathering.com/index.html
(I was told to tell my friends about it.. haha)

Cutting the Strings

I went to my old church tonight and the former pastor came up.. and then someone said to me... "ya need to cut the strings." Now, would somebody tell me why I need to 'cut the strings' from my pastor? He's the reason I started going to church and even if he's not the pastor of the church i'm attending... he's the reason why i'm in a church, he's the reason I'm a christian. and he's a close friend of mine.. and he's like a big brother. we go to lunch with each other like once a week.. or every two weeks.......of course, it's always chipotle.. hahaha. but, i fail to see the reasons why i should 'cut the strings' on someone that opened my door to chirst? I didn't leave the church because Heath put in his resignation.. I stopped going to church on a regular basis back in like... idk.. june? maybe before that.. there are a lot of things that really just pushed me away from the church... I've been furious with a lot of things happening within the church for awhile.. and i finally just kinda stopped going until i left for college.. well, i didn't go there either... haha, but, i had chapel 3 times a week.. and needed to sleep sometime.. so, i used saturdays and sundays as catch up and was Bedside Baptist with my RA Justin. :o) but now i'm back and have been goign to a church in Kettering.. its a little different than what i like.. and am still looking for a new church, i guess... but... idk.. that 'cutting the string' comment... idk..

Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday Brittany Tackett... Happy Birthday to you!!! :)



oh yeah.. guys... http://hcountryman.blogspot.com/ go there for me! :) haha

Get the Door.. It's Dominos!!!

I have finally found a job and started yesterday. Sad thing is... it's back at Domino's!! I know, i'm moving on up in this life! hahaha... but seriously, I started writing this entry a little bit ago.. and got a few phone calls.. and got distracted.. and then i sat back down.. and i got on Heath's blog and read his post.. and i kinda laughed.. because that's exactly what i was going to write about!! hahahaha.. great minds think alike i guess!!......or something like that..(we are both delivery drivers afterall!! lol) but.. i was getting aggravated with the whole job search... sitting around here doing nothing all day was absolutely driving me crazy.. and all i did with my spare time was eat and watch myself get more and more obese. haha. I've felt soo worthless.

but!!! I'm happy now!! hahaha, after just one night... i feel like i have money again! lol

I'm still going to try to get a job at Red Lobster though... i might work both if they hire me.. :)

yay two jobs and being a full-time student!!

agitated..

Sometimes people really agitate me... and i say some pretty harsh and hurtful things... UGH..




anyways... Classes are almost here.. and... i've decided that since my schedule would probably really screwy.. to just take online classes at Sinclair for the quarter.. it will give me a lot more time to work and save.. since it only cost like 500 bucks for a full time student.. and then start classes at Wright State in the fall.. the only thing is... i'm going to have to find the motivation to actually do the work!

speaking of work... I think i have this one job nailed.. but, i dont really want to say it and then they reject me.. hahaha, so, i'll update you more another time..


oh yeah.. so... earlier this evening.. i realized how great of shape i'm in.......or should i say not in??? so, Ryan and I were about to start working out.. and then i decided.. hey, lets go play tennis.. it's actually nice outside... so.. we went.. and.. i did pretty awesome.. haha won all 3 sets.. (i need to brag! haha) 6-2 then 6-4... and i thought we were done.. and by the time i won the second set.. i was ready to just lay down on the court.. which i did later i was soo dead.. and he was like.. i want to win one.. so, we started another set... and i quickly took the next game... then it ended up being 2-5.... i was ready to die.. and then i got this boost of energy.. from somewhere.. and won the next 5 games winning the set 7-5!!! yeah, 6-2, 6-4, and 7-5!! and about 30 minutes after we finished... my body was aching!! big time.. haha... i dont want to wake up tomorrow so i dont have to feel the pain!!

okay, i just wanted to give everybody an update on really pointless stuff!!!



REDS OPENING DAY IS MARCH 31st!!!
2 weeks from monday! :o)

Came to My Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship

Giving all I am to seek your face

Lord all I am is yours

My whole life

I place in your hands

God of Mercy

Humbled I bow down

In your presence at your throne

I called you answered

And you came to my rescue and I

I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high

In our world be lifted high

In our love be lifted high

Alcohol

So.. I've been a little afriad of me falling and drinking when I get on Wright State's campus.. I mean, i hate alcohol.. and it's against my beliefs to drink... but when looking at everybody's photos on their facebook.. beer and other sorts of alcohol is everywhere, i've just been a little afraid i'll buckle to peer pressure.. not that i do a lot.. especially when it comes to things against my beliefs... well, after tonight, my fear is gone.. I've always had a fear of drinking and becoming an alcoholic... seeing it everywhere on my dads side of my family.. it's been a while since i've seen anyone drunk.. and it's my hatred for alcohol has been revitalized... i was over at my dad's tonight... and after rockin' out to some guitar hero.. my dad comes up trashed.. and i go downstairs.. and jackie's on the couch crying with a black eye... haha, jk.. but, she was on the couch crying.. it's pathetic to what alcohol does to people.. and what it can do to families..

I've completely cut off all contact with my uncle.. as sad as it is... i mean, if he has any money at all.. he's trashed.. he wakes up every morning just to drink and waste his life.. and i just don't know what to say to him.. and it's hard to find him sober... and jackie says my dad's starting to get worse.. and is afraid my dad will become just like david... i just dont know what to do.. i mean, it's not my fault they like to drink.... a lot. but.. idk.. i just wish i could say something to help both of them realize their problem.. and get them to try and seek help.. or something.. idk... :-\